Being Sad Does Not Make You Hard To Love

This is something I wrote when I was seventeen, going through those tough teenage years when I hid out from the world, disassociating myself with most people and places because I did not understand how people chose to live their lives so selfishly, so close-minded. I didn’t understand how people could mistreat someone just because they didn’t think the same way they did, or got sad about things that they themselves would not be sad about, treating them as if there was something wrong with them for having feelings.

It didn’t take me too long to realise as I got older, that some people are just down right selfish, ignorant and close-minded to anyone else’s way of thinking or acting. I have learnt to associate myself with the people who get it, that are understanding and sympathetic instead of judgemental and disrespectful to other’s ways of going about life.

I am sure there are plenty of teenagers out there now trying to wrap their head around how people can be so shitty sometimes. Don’t let those people get to you, just do you and appreciate the people who love you for doing just that.

August 21, 2013

Wasted energy, motivation, wasted education, wasted health wasted beauty, wasted time, wasted youth. But going out into the world, associating with these.. People, these, blinded, arrogant beings is too hard. Why does every one seem so blinded though. How do people treat others, who are clearly hurting, with disapproval and unacceptance? Why do people so easily close their hearts to someone’s pain just because they themselves haven’t felt that pain. Therefore, what? They discard it as real?  

Just because a person isn’t always in the right mindset, or can’t always be a “normal” functioning being because of the misfortunes that happened in their life, they are not as good as you, not as worthy of acceptance or love? Some people are lucky to still be able to have the strength to get up in the morning, let alone put a smile on for all you fake assholes who judge because someone’s bad attitude puts a damper on your day. Some people will never understand the will power these people have for still putting their best foot forward and going every day, how hard it is for them to face their demons or even the person in their reflection, so they judge anyone who doesn’t always act in the realms of “normalcy.” 

People go through some heavy shit, and still keep going, sometimes their minds aren’t strong enough to let go of some things some days, doesn’t make them less worthy, doesn’t make them less human. We are capable of going through so much, the human mind can endure so much mental pain and still keep going, but there is a time where we all break and there are people who are eternally broken but still keep going because they have to, because they know no other way and because giving up isn’t an option. Some people can not simply perk up, and put a smile on their face just so the people around them can feel less afflicted, more comfortable. People do not live to please everyone around them, for some, it is hard enough to please ourselves, let alone the world.  

I’m sure, these people who are hurting would love to hide out and get away from your ignorant asses, but guess what? Life doesn’t pause for people, they have to make a living just like everyone else and they’re out there trying, but people make it so much harder to want to try.  

  Getting along with everyone that seems to be so high on life is hard when things seem the opposite for you. It’s easy to disassociate yourself with the people around you, become the loner, and to think that is the best remedy for you. But feeling alone every place you go, feeling like the odd one out, the only one people seem to be fake around, where they say the basics “how are you?” and “same, just tired.” or ” going to be a long day eh” or just anything work related or to the activity at hand just to get rid of the awkward silences, the discomfort, is a pretty shitty feeling.  

Because that’s what people like me do, people who feel they don’t know how to open up, the people who don’t understand what is so exciting about the mundane life conversations people seem to engage in day after day; we make people feel awkward and uncomfortable. So closed off and quiet, really only speak when spoken to or when it is about something related to the activity at hand, people don’t know what to think about you. You probably appear boring, lacking of any depth. 

Although I know half the reason I stay quiet is because I do not care to talk about myself, I do not care to brag, to share anything that goes on in my mind, or I don’t think people will understand or could elaborate on what I seem to think about, because based on experience I realize I have left people dumbfounded, confused, at a loss for words. They respond with what they think I want to hear, continually walking on eggshells around me. Or I am now just incapable of opening up because of the failures of trying to do so in the past, I don’t know.          

  Yet this is all most people seem to do, talk about themselves, their insights, what’s going on in their lives that day, in their minds. People love to talk about themselves for the most part, and teach people things and just hear themselves talk it seems like? “Oh when I was younger, I experienced that a couple times, I have gotten pretty used to it.” As I reply, “Oh yeah, that’s pretty rough you had to go through that.” Giving them what they want to hear, where they can continue to elaborate about themselves, with the false impersonation that their story is one of a kind, one in a million.  

I don’t know if I could ever fully understand why people love to talk about themselves, miseries or achievements, good times or bad, so many people are wide open books, with the desire to be the center of attention everywhere they go. 

How are people so oblivious to the feelings of those around them. That when someone sits there and listens to you go on and on about something you seem to go on about all the time, as they nod and agree and let you talk, that they don’t really necessarily agree or even take interest in what you are saying but know that all you need for a ego boost is for someone to listen, sympathize or agree.  

Those half ass relationships aren’t enough for me. I don’t care to open up because I know no one really cares about anything other than what is going on in their lives, in their minds, and no matter what no one could have it as bad as them or as good as them depending on the circumstance. Some people just have to be number one, their story has to top everyone else’s. 

I want authentic companionships, where I know the people that I am sharing with genuinely care about my view, my insights and mindset all together. People who like hearing what I have to say, not just yes people who make me feel better about myself for a sense of false confidence.  

   I guess I just don’t really understand why, whoever our creator is, put us all here, all so different expecting us to get along, to find contentedness and feel whole when the only one’s who really know who we are, are ourselves. When we are so stuck, trapped in a body, given a mind, with no ability to share that mind fully with anyone but ourselves. With everyone’s mind being so different that when you share a feeling with someone that they haven’t felt, they only ever question you and leave you confused and questioning yourself.  

But then you read those things online or quotes in books where it stops you in your tracks because it is like the thought is coming right from your mind, like whoever wrote it knows you, deep down to every corner of your soul and mind. So, there are people who get us, who are like us, but they are so far away, on different sides of the globe and it doesn’t make anything easier when the people around you still seem to be so indifferent to how you feel and how your emotions work.  

People who continuously tell you that the things you get upset about are not normal things that people get upset about, and how they could so easily say “no one cries over that” because they themselves don’t.  

Leaving people like me feel depleted and lost, and thinking of the future as a hopeless place with half ass relationships and faking it to make it our whole lives, accommodating the people around us so they feel comfortable and so we don’t have to deal with making people confused, or walk on eggshells around us. Forever being that fake friend that people think they know, that they can talk to and open up to because they get their false sense of confidence from our niceness of agreeing with everything they say and telling them what they want to hear. Giving people what they want, leaving ourselves in a bubble of loneliness. Creating a stage for ourselves, being the actress in a play called life. 

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If you are interested in reading about a variety of different subjects such as mental health, inside the minds of disturbed artists, the importance of being an introvert, importance of body language and non-verbal communication, the importance of mental rehearsal and imagery, the power of our minds, mindfulness, metaphysics and the cosmic world and how all the great genius’ of the past have tapped into this power to achieve seeming miracles, addiction, abuse, the effects loneliness and so much more, please check out some of my other posts: