Stop Spending So Much Time On Your Phone and Get Out There and Live!

Depression has always been around but it seems to me that there is a huge increase in the amount of cases these days compared to back in the day. When I was a kid I didn’t even know the exact definition of depression, I knew I got sad sometimes but not enough to affect my everyday life. Kids these days all seem to be down about something or the other. Is it just because it more widely talked about that kids use this as a scapegoat for why they don’t want to do anything or have no motivation to try anything worthwhile? Maybe the 24/7 hr access they have to the internet that is filled with a lot of useless garbage, bullies, people to compare themselves to, and hateful, dark stories and spaces has something to do with it? 

Depression is the cause of over two-thirds of the 30,000 reported suicides in the U.S each year. (White House Conference on Mental Health) For every two homicides committed in the states, there are three suicides. That’s insane! Why do so many people find more comfort in the unknown than they do in life? It’s so sad to me.  

A lot of people would say there is nothing scarier than death and they would choose life every time. Those are the people who have never been low enough to harbor these dark feelings of the end really being better than the miserable life they are living. They say what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, and yeah maybe in a sense it does but couldn’t it also break us? 

Imagine living a young life of traumatic events, you grow up, go through therapy, told that things will only get better with time. But down the line you realize these traumatic events are slowly preventing you from being the person you want to be. You can’t help being timid and uncomfortable in certain situations, you can’t learn to open up to anyone or get close with anyone because you have abandonment issues or worse. It’s hard to let someone touch you without you quivering, it’s hard to stop being on the defense or sticking up for yourself when there is no need to do so. Further preventing you from creating authentic personal or work relationships.  

Imagine living your entire life having to put on a mask to the world, where you’re scared of or have no clue how to allow your personality to seep out on the outside in fear of being judged or unliked. Mix that lonely feeling with all the dark thoughts and memories that can’t be undone, things that can’t be unseen or unheard. Life doesn’t seem all that fun anymore does it? 

Us humans endure some pretty hectic things in our lifetimes, some people can cope, some people can’t. I don’t necessarily think it makes some of us weaker and some stronger.. I think we are built differently, our wires set up uniquely in each individual. Some of us, a lot more sensitive than others and unable to cope with deep to the core sadness. The kind of sadness where nothing really seems to help. One that lingers and sort of slips between a deep foreboding sadness that takes over the entire mind and one that hovers but sort of takes a step back for a bit but reminds you that it is there and always will be.  

A lot of us like to believe there is some ultimate purpose to all of this, that there is a reason for everything. Which sort of implies that everything is all about us, that the whole universe and cosmic world exists for our purpose. This powerful assumption has power to affect motivation in a positive or negative way. The belief that life has inherent purpose can be a reassuring and comforting realization but can also lead to anguish and feelings of abandonment that makes us question “why me?” On the other hand, the belief that life is just random and that nothing has any definite purpose, is anxiety provoking and scary. But it also brings us to the realization that meaning is something we have to cultivate for ourselves which can be empowering. But also scary.  

What if we don’t find that meaning in the short time we have here? What if we didn’t do enough, choose the wrong life path, or make stupid decisions that hold us back for years? What if we waste too many years and it becomes too late?  

Humans from the beginning of time have the tendency to mistakenly over-identify meaning, pattern or purpose. To believe there is no higher power is to consciously override these intuitions. Maybe the universe has no ultimate purpose or life is not inherently meaningful or morality isn’t a property of the universe but humans are purposeful. All living creatures are. Even a plant or bacteria is purpose driven. “Humans purpose has become more elaborated, embellished by conscious intention but is fundamentally driven by the same basic unconscious goals of all living things: survival and reproduction.”  says Ralph Lewis in his article Answering the Hard Question. This fact should not diminish the purpose and meaning we make for ourselves here on earth.  

Us humans are proficient in making meaning and we usually succeed quite well, even in adverse situations. Often times we are better at solving problems when faced with extreme adversity, more times than when things are smooth sailing. Religious people may say that this is a “God-given strength” that is given to us in these situations but our tendency to attribute meaning can also be fully explained in evolutionary terms. Whether we are religious believers or not, people somehow find many sources of life satisfaction and meaning. But I think we all can agree that in certain life circumstances, meaning is near impossible to find.  

We all have struggled to explain why good things happen to bad people and bad things to good ones. Even when we try to believe that there is some deeper purpose to suffering that is beyond our comprehension and we believe that there is some purpose behind it and it will all make sense one day or become meaningful in some world beyond the one we are living in, undoubtedly we can all admit that there are situations that suffering seems meaningless and terrible in the confines of this world.  

For people who believe in a Higher Power, situations such as these can cause a question of faith. For non-believers, accepting that life is meaningless means that in some cases of terrible suffering the reality is simply that nothing meaningful can come from that kind of suffering and life for the person suffering is completely meaningless. In situations such as these it is almost rational and reasonable for some people to prefer death over living in complete torment. Whether it be some kind of mental torment or something as severe as terminal cancer.  

People that make the decision to want to take the step for assisted suicide, is almost understandable in certain situations (it should only ever be allowed if the person is of a complete sound mind to make this decision for themselves.) Most people fortunately do find meaning even in the so called meaningless because that’s what us humans do, we are resilient, we are stronger than a lot of us may know.  

Most of us dream of living life as long as we can and seeing and doing all that we can do while we are here. We don’t grow up wondering what it would be like to be dead instead of living life to the fullest, so why is it that these days there is a sort of trend with kids? There is a whole group of kids who find it cool to be sad. Like it’s cool to be heartless, to not care, to be “savage.”  

Many factors in the course of human civilization have tended to favor a gradual decline of violence and a tend to a more civil society. The more we are able to comprehend and relate to other people’s predicaments and situations we are more capable of caring. As the years go on humans do seem to becoming more empathic but in the past ten years or so, it seems like the younger generation is doing so much to reverse that.  

In an article on Psychology Today they talk about a survey that is conducted every year called “Monitoring The Future” where they survey 1.4 million teens since the 1970s. Around 2012 to 2013, there was a sudden increase in teens saying they were experiencing symptoms of depression — feeling hopeless, not enjoying life, believing they can’t do anything right. Depressive symptoms continued to increase over the next few years, making today’s teens significantly more depressed than teens just a few years before. The teen suicide rate tripled among girls ages 12 to 14 and increased by 50 percent among girls ages 15 to 19. The number of children and teens hospitalized for suicidal thoughts or self-harm doubled between 2008 and 2015 says Psychology Today.    

The younger generation seems to be going through a mental health crisis and no one knows exactly why. The inflation rate and the fact that none of them would be able to afford an apartment on their own unless they get a decent paying job, probably doesn’t help. The depression rate certainly didn’t seem like it was caused by academic pressures considering that in the MTf survey, teens in the 2010s said they did less homework than those in the 1990s and the time college students spent on extra curricular’s is the same according to the American Freshman Survey. Economic causes also seemed unlikely for what caused this sudden depression in teens, the American economy improved after 2011. Students that mentioned money issues, or family issues had been building for decades, with no sudden shift in the 2010s. So what is it? 

Smart phones, social media? There are trends of kids spending more time on their phones than they do in real-life with friends and family. This trend accelerating in 2011 which is sort of when smart-phones and social media use became universal. Many teens and adults started spending every waking minute on their phones. Social media was almost mandatory for teens if they wanted to keep up an image and be considered “cool.” This was a dramatic change in how teens spent their time. Instead of being out interacting with other people their age which helps grow social skills and brings upon realizations and life lessons that help us in the future, they were spending their times staring at a screen, creating online personas for themselves which created a lot of pressure when they weren’t able to measure up to these personas in the real world.  

So, the time line sort of lined up, right when smart phones became a popular thing, there were more cases of depression among teens. Right when kids started spending more time on their phones and less face-to-face time, their mental well beings plummeted. In Psychology Today they mention an analysis of MtF and the CDC’s Youth Risk Surveillance System data, they found teens who spent more time on screens were less happy, more depressed, and had more risk factors for suicide.  

Social media does have many great benefits but social well-being doesn’t seem to be one of them. If you use it for marketing and a form of income, it is definitely beneficial. But it should not be used as a form of social life, because it isn’t one. It makes it so much harder to learn social skills and how to communicate in adverse situations. It makes it harder to even want to go try to be a real person in the outside world because it is so much easier to pretend online. Probably a major reason social anxiety is a more widely spread disorder these days for a lot of the younger kids and teens.  

It is hard to measure up to the persona you put out online. It’s so easy to find something witty or cool to say when you have time to think about what you’re going to say. It is a lot easier to look pretty and exactly how you’d want to look in real life when you take a hundred selfies from every angle possible until you get one that “looks right.” But when it’s time to go hang out with people who seem so much cooler than you, I can imagine the amount of anxiety that comes with that. Funny thing is, half of the people you think are cooler than you are people with the exact same mindset that you have, that you’re cooler and they have nothing exciting to bring to the table. 

I am only twenty five so I can’t say I didn’t grow up most of my life with a phone, I think I got one at thirteen but I still can say I grew up with an amazing childhood. One where my sisters, friends and I and all the neighborhood kids grew up playing outside until the streetlights were on. Manhunt, double-Dutch, roller blading, truth or dare. We had a clubhouse built in our backyard that all of the kids came to play in. Also a Pretty cool pool, although it was only a blow up one, it was huge for us kids, up to most of our chests. We also had a trailer up north in Wasaga beach, we grew up knowing all the kids there and had the time of our lives every summer. My sisters and I still have a trailer in that same park and a lot of the people we grew up with do as well so it’s pretty cool to go up there and party now that we’re old enough to do so.  

Anyways, I just wish kids got out more and experienced life and all it has to offer. There is so much to see, do, make of ourselves out there. Although things are becoming a little harder these days for a lot of us with the inflation rate and the other things going on in the world, I still wish kids could just be kids and learn to stop stressing so much because there is a lot of time for that later on. Life is stressful, no doubt about that, but there are many ways to navigate around that stress and find what works best for us.  

I have a list of a few things that could help benefit kids or teens or even adults instead of spending so much time on their phones: 

• Find a hobby: painting, drawing, darts, making jewelry, fishing, a sport, dance, sewing, pool, hiking, biking, etc.  
• Join a club or sport at school or after school. Tae kwon do, tennis, soccer, basketball, debate team, school counsel, prom committee, drama club, etc. 
• Take your/neighbor’s dog for a walk, or take a walk by yourself, go sit at the park for 10 minutes, take in your surroundings, experience the beauty of the day. 
• Ask a friend or a sibling if they want to go out for lunch or a drink somewhere. Again, take in your surroundings, live in the moment, experience life, find joy in the mundane. 
• Get a part time job or volunteer position. I can’t stress enough how much it helps to get out there, to make a small difference in a company, or even be a part of a community. You learn social/communication skills, and general life skills. You learn what it’s like to be part of a team. Some jobs really do help you break out of that shell you feel stuck in. You meet new people, learn new skills, it gives you a sense of purpose and a reason to feel proud of yourself when you accomplish something hard or new.  
• Spend more time outside. If it’s just sitting in your backyard taking in the beauty of the day and absorbing the sunlight, or if it’s going for a walk or going to the beach. Spend more time enjoying the beauty of life we have been gifted with. 
• Call up an old friend or spend time with a grandparent or family member who would love your company.  
• Take the time for mental health care and self love. Read a book in the bath, listen to music for an hour and zone out from the world, lay in the grass and look at the clouds and find peace in your loneliness, get to know yourself, meditate, do your nails, give yourself a facial/new hair style, love yourself, be kind to yourself.  
• Get out of your comfort zone! Go to that party, or that social gathering you’ve been avoiding, go on that date. Fake it till you make it. Fake that confidence, be that poised person you wish to be, put your shoulders back, chin up and fake the confidence until it feels real. It will be so uncomfortable at first, you may feel like all you want to do is put on a hoodie and sunglasses and go run home to hide out in the safety of your bedroom, but I promise soon that feeling will pass. And if it doesn’t with the first encounter, it might the next, or the next. It will happen. You will feel proud of yourself for getting out there and just doing it. Trust me, just do it! It will make all the difference in the long run, I promise. 

Life is so short and maybe there is no rhyme or reason behind all of this and maybe everything is just random or coincidental, maybe one day we will know, maybe we never will: either way, all of us deserve to find our own kind of meaning in this life. We should do whatever makes our heart pound hair stand on edge. Whatever gives us those butterflies in our stomach and goosebumps all over our bodies. The little things that make us feel like there is a sole reason for us to be here: even if it’s just to feel those little fleeting moments of joy when we are doing something we love or in the presence of someone or someone’s that we love. Life is beautiful and there is so much to live for. Before giving up our last hope, we should try our hardest to turn the page and try to find joy in a new chapter. There are so many different corners of the world with so much waiting to be explored, we just need to find what makes us happy as individual’s. I believe there’s got to be something out there for each and every one of us. 

If you are interested in reading about a variety of different subjects such as mental health, inside the minds of disturbed artists, the importance of being an introvert, importance of body language and non-verbal communication, the importance of mental rehearsal and imagery, the power of our minds, mindfulness, metaphysics and the cosmic world and how all the great genius’ of the past have tapped into this power to achieve seeming miracles, addiction, abuse, the effects loneliness and so much more, please check out some of my other posts: